Charlene's Story
Charlene started drinking initially, having found that alcohol helped hide her lack of self-confidence. When a boyfriend then introduced her to heroin, it showed how she could truly escape from herself, and her own insecurities and fears.
Before she knew it, she was smoking heroin on a daily basis, and stealing from her family to fund her habit. Her anxieties became so overwhelming she was unable to leave her own home. Despite her doubts about being able to cope with rehab, she left Castle Craig a completely new person, free from drugs and giving back to society.
when I found alcohol ... it seemed to ... wow!
All those fears, those insecurities, feeling different...
I was all of a sudden at social ease.
And I was able to communicate, I felt wonderful.
I was first introduced to heroin with a boyfriend.
That was the ultimate love in my life.
because it helped me escape from myself. It helped me escape from feeling frightened and insecure.
It really, really filled up that void.
I thought I wouldn't get addicted.
I thought I was different from everyone else.
I wouldn't get addicted like you do see them around the village. But before I knew it, I was smoking it daily.
I would go to any lengths to smoke it.
I'd steal from my lovely Mom and Dad, my wonderful family.
I would get detoxed and I would do well for a period of time.
But I would forget about all the suffering, all the withdrawals to come off that heroin.
Because I would believe that I could have one bag and it would be ok.
And it never was.
My Mum and Dad were at their wits ends with me. They sent me to detox,
they got me involved in the services.
We tried numerous detoxes in the house.
Nothing ever worked.
No one could validate my feelings, of fear and hopelessness.
And eventually it progressed to a point where this social fear, this social anxiety...
I couldn't leave my house anymore, I couldn't function as a human being anymore.
I wanted to die.
I remember thinking, deep down, if I'm honest,
That I didn't really want to come here, because I knew how it worked in here
and I thought, gosh, that's just going to be too challenging for me!
And also I had a fear of failing
because I didn't believe that life without drugs, for me, was possible anymore.
Since I've left Castle Craig, my life's been absolutely wonderful.
My family life, you know, I'm a part of it. I'm there. I'm loving, I'm connecting, I'm giving back to them.
I love helping other women get clean and sober. I love to feel useful in that way.
I live for the day, one day, one day clean and sober.
I think the best rewards in recovery are the internal rewards.
I feel happy, I feel comfortable in my skin,
I'm sitting here and I feel absolutely free.
I don't feel frightened anymore.
I can manage life.