John's Story
After leaving the military John’s life lacked purpose and a sense of direction. Having had a successful career in the Army and leaving as a Major where he held a large amount of respect and responsibility, he struggled to fit in with civvy street and to hold down employment.
First step to recovery
I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and this intensified affecting my behaviour and health. I drank heavily and turned to cocaine use. This compounded my problems leading to divorce and me moving back to Scotland. I became a heavy user, and my life was centred around the next ‘hit’ or drink – I soon became an unreliable, untrustworthy and useless individual a far cry from being an Officer in the Army. After a spell in Edinburgh Royal Infirmary at Christmas after an overdose I decided enough was enough, intervention was needed, and I spoke to my key worker at ABAT about entering rehab. He was positive and started the process which to my delight only took 6 weeks before I was contacted by the manager of the Maxie Richards Foundation telling me there was a place for me.
A step in the right direction
I started at Maxie Richards at the end of February, tired and worn out after ‘white knuckling’ it since Christmas completely isolated and cut off from those close to me and society. I soon took to the programme being offered welcoming again a daily schedule and routine reintroduced into my life, something which I had not had since the military.
I slowly began to reawaken mentally and physically embracing everything the service had to offer feeling myself becoming fulfilled and realigned. Step work and the NA programme was new to me and at first, I found it quite daunting, and I initially identified the differences and not similarities with me and those around me and who I was meeting at meetings. After around four weeks the ‘penny dropped’ I realised that my addiction and behaviour had led me to the same unmanageable and desolate place as those around me, everyone was different and had their own story to tell but their resulting end state were all the same.
Road to recovery
Since this realisation I have started to enjoy rehab, I feel far healthier physically and taken to the ‘work’ programme in a positive manner enjoying the results and daily focus it provides me. Spiritually I feel uplifted and focused. Working the steps and programme with the staff here and applying it to each day leaves me feeling contented and positive. A feeling of belonging and sense of self worth is prevalent now in my consciousness which helps rebuild my self esteem and outlook for the future. Being part of a team again has helped enormously in my recovery and this has helped me become more sociable and approachable.
My PTSD has become more manageable, and the programme now allows me to utilise a wider ‘tool kit’ to address these issues without the compulsion to regress to negative behaviour which in the past has led to me using. I have rebuilt relationships with my family particularly my parents and strengthened my bond with my children who I now see regularly. Just for today I am far more honest, open minded and willing and this is due to everything rehab has introduced me to, I now look towards the future with hope and a real commitment to recovery.
John Mckeirnan