Steven's Story
For years Steven battled with problematic use of heroin and methadone. As a single parent for 19 years, he was also under a lot pressure. He tried everything he could to break free from the habit, but no one could help him identify what the root of the problem was: his obsession and his physical compulsion to use.
He went into rehab at Castle Craig as a self-confessed broken individual, but came out a changed man. Watch his video testimony below on how he was able to break his habit with the help and support from Castle Craig.
I came here on the 21st of December, 2016.
I left my kids behind. I was a single parent for 19 years...
My two oldest kids.
I'd just had enough.
I had to do something different.
I went to psychiatrists, I'd been in jails,
I'd been in all the institutions, I'd been locked up in psychiatric wards,
I'd spoken to counsellors, therapists...nothing.
Nobody could tell me what was wrong with me.
And I went to Narcotics Anonymous and somebody told me what I suffered from.
They told me about the mental obsession,
and they told me about the physical compulsion,
and they let me identify myself as an addict.
Nobody told me I was an addict.
I came to that decision on my own
I just thought I need to change. I need my kids back; I'd brought them up myself.
I just wanted a change. I just wanted to change my life.
I'd been in rehab before, in 1999.
I'd got clean. A 12-day detox. I was clean one day...
And on the same day, I went back home, and I used that day.
I never did anything about me.
In 2013, something had changed. The way I was thinking had changed.
I was at my rock bottom. I couldn't take anymore.
But I still couldn't get clean.
I still had methadone to take every day, I still took street drugs every day,
I still tried to self-detox every day,
and it never ever worked.
And then I went to my drug worker and I said,
"I can't take it anymore, I just can't live like this anymore."
No matter who I speak to, how much hard work I put in, I just can't get clean.
So in 2016, my drug worker said that they were going to apply for funding
to come to Castle Craig.
I didn't even know what it was a 12-step fellowship rehab.
I didn't know what I didn't know.
So I came here on the 21st of December, 2016, as I said.
And I walked in this door...
I put my hands in the air
and asked for help.
I was broken when I came in here, I was really defeated.
I was about a stone-and-a-half overweight.
I was on all the street drugs, I was on methadone.
I completely surrendered to what I suffered from,
Surrendered to the drugs. The day I walked in here,
I came here with my methadone in a bottle,
and normally I would just take it straight away
I didn't even come here under the influence, I came here drug free,
I hardly took any drugs.
And I handed my methadone to the staff, I was on antidepressants.
I was on stuff for bipolar.
For all these illnesses that I never had.
They took them off of me and put them in the bin.
They said I'd never had of any of this, it was the drugs. And I believed them.
I put my life in their hands.
Then on the 11th of January, I went to the nurse's office and said I was going home
"I'm going home, I'm going home for a sleep".
"You're going home to use?", "No, I'm not going to use.."
Dr McCann came in the office and said,
"Steven, you're leaving against medical advice.
"We suggest you stay here and take the help you came here asking for."
But I was still broken, I was confused, I was angry, I was paranoid, I was resentful.
On the 12th of January Dr. McCann said to me,
"How much methadone do you think you're on?"
I said, "About 20ml." She said, "You're on 3ml.
You're just about there."
I went to bed that night... and managed to get a wee sleep
I woke up and the mental obsession in my mind had been removed.
Because when I went to bed that night, I genuinely prayed
to something, anything that was listening.
And I asked,
"Please take this feeling away from me. I don't want to use drugs anymore."
It was this obsession to use drugs,
it was gone
And the reason it was gone was because when I went to the office for my last 3ml of methadone,
my last tablet, I refused it.
And I've never used drugs since. I'm 15 months and 8 days today.
And the reason I count it is because it's precious.
I had hardly been clean in 32 years
and I'm clean for this amount of time, it's just...a miracle!
Every day is a miracle to me.
Every day I reimburse my gratitude
and I thank my higher power for giving me another day clean
And I ask him to guide me through the day, and help me through my struggles.
I love coming back here. I've come back here and shared my experience.
It's good to give back.
I just love Castle Craig. I love what it's given me in my life.